I am busy at the moment. The kind of busy where you are pulled thin, but cannot complain because busy meets needs that must be met.
There are so many people who would give so much to be in my position and I am one of them.
Practically, it has meant that other elements of life have had to be de-prioritised. I think that's the polite way of saying my house is not always tidy. That is also a polite term.
I know how to prioritise, I know how to time block. I know how to decline invitations. I don't need lessons. I know allllll that stuff. There are still only so many hours in a day.
Whilst I feel I am making the best choices for this season, I can't deny it's been hanging in the background as a low level guilt. It's a daily visible sign of where I am underperforming.
I see the house most often from the view in the photograph. It is where I eat, where I sometimes work, and where I pause, listen and learn.
Tonight I saw this view from the opposite side. Outside in the dark, looking in.
My breath caught and my eyes got a little damp. It looked warm, it looked lived in, but in the good way - like there was love and life in that house.
I remember long journeys of my past, where I would glance in to the lit windows on dark nights and feel the warmth exuding out. De-frosting me a little as I passed them by.
Tonight, seeing my disaster of a home, I melted.
Don't get me wrong, tomorrow I'll still wish for the time to be able to dedicate to setting it right, but tonight I'm going to bathe in the gratitude.
Whilst I'm doing the washing up...
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As always, if you are feeling troubled, please consider whether you think you would benefit from getting relevant support. https://helplines.org/helplines/
© Highcroft Writing 2023
Image description : A photograph taken from a mobile phone of the view outside the window, but it is a dark night and you see the reflection - a person sitting at a kitchen table. Lights are strung across the window and a central ceiling light is on. A filter of golden orbs / light reflections covers the scene.