The gist of what has been on my mind today is, ‘What you focus on, where you put your mind, matters’.
I know it’s stating the obvious, but it’ll you’ll bear with me, I’ll set some context and explain how it came up again today.
Sometime ago now, my daughter’s friends introduced her to a game to play in the car on journeys, called ‘Mini punch, yellow car slap’. I think it pretty much speaks for itself. It’s not my favourite game.
To be honest, I’m not a game player generally. It’s just not my thing. I don’t like competition. I don’t like winning and I don’t like losing.
Let’s be honest, does anyone like losing? Don’t get me wrong, I like getting what I want. I just don’t like the full feeling of winning, because if you win in a game or competition, then somebody else loses and I don’t like carrying that discomfort and guilt. Anyway, my issues aside, whenever there’s a game or competition, whatever it is, I tend to take a step back. So…
My intention with this ‘game’ was to switch off - to not compete, or participate at all - but that didn’t work, because when it’s just you and your daughter in the car, you naturally end up being the punching bag.
However gentle the ‘punches’ and ‘slaps’, your attention is most definitely brought to the Mini’s and yellow cars - whether you want it to be or not.
It turns out that when your thoughts are sporadically interrupted in this way, when you attention is intermittently drawn to something, then you start to notice these things. It’s what the brain does.
When I did see them first, if her attention was temporarily elsewhere, I found myself saying the words (with ‘no return’ added, obviously) because that would prevent her from being able to do it to me when she would eventually see them.
Pleased be assured, I obviously didn’t punch or slap my daughter, and my hands were definitely on the wheel, but by the rules of the ‘game’, spotting the car first, and saying the words first, meant I avoided the forfeit.
You can see what happened, can’t you? Over time, as I’m driving, my mind has started looking for them without me even thinking about it.
Even when I’m alone.
I have found that my eyes will register them, and before it feels like my brain has truly processed, my previous thoughts are interrupted and I can hear myself, in my head (and sometimes out loud), saying, “Mini punch, no return.”
To no one.
Which is what I found myself doing this morning on the way back from the school run.
She wasn’t in the car.
I’m a grown woman with heavy life responsibilities. I’m driving to work, and my mind is on that, and a million other things, yet in my head, in the midst of all the other pressing life thoughts, when my eyes clocked a Mini, the words were out before I realised what I was doing.
Essentially, a repetitive interruption of my thoughts, over a period of time, now means that whenever I see a Mini, whether I’m looking for it or not, in my head I can literally hear the words, “Mini punch, no return”.
When it happened on the way back from the school run this morning, it occurred to me how that same ‘technique’ could be subconsciously working on me in so many other aspects of my life.
A little pointless, senseless, thing, repeated over time, changing the way my mind works.
I have a degree in psychology, the flexibility and adaptability of the brain is not a new concept, but it was a very strange reminder that where I put my focus and how I respond to things matters, however tiny and silly they may seem.
Every little interjection in life, if repeated, can make a difference in our subconscious thoughts and how we behave in the world.
So today I thought I’d take the opportunity to tell you that you and your brain, however it works, are amazing. Be kind to yourself, and help it work for you not against you.
Please note that this post is not in anyway sponsored by any brand. Other cars are available. I also do not advocate violence. I do advocate driver safety.
As always, if you are feeling troubled, please consider whether you think you would benefit from getting relevant support. https://helplines.org/helplines/
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